Happiness....

I have no idea who said this to me once, but it has been one of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given.  Somehow I feel like everyone goes through a period of thinking, hmmm... "maybe I should put prawns in their hubcaps" after someone does them wrong (which actually doesn't sound like a bad idea given his seafood allergy).  But really, what would that prove?  Nada.

Happiness is the very best revenge.

What a breath of fresh Chicago air to be reminded of this tonight.  Aren't I a lucky lady to have the world on a string?!?

Like, ever.

Who'd have thought, a silly question: Kanye or Taylor? would lead to me singing along at the top of my lungs to her newest hit.  Every. Single. Word.  There's nothing like a good girl-power anthem to affirm with my heart what my head has known for a looooooong time.

Next chapter.

There is one thing I know for damn sure - I am absolutely humbled by the love that surrounds me.  I heard somebody say one time that they were "drunk with gratitude".... um, ya, that pretty much describes it.  I've been on a Whole30 hiatus, so I've been tipsy with a little more than just gratitude this week -- and, it's been the most comforting, reassuring, liberating week I've had since I can remember.  Hells ya!

I still believe some things are forever and ever....
and I used to say, never say never.

Not anymore.  Whole30's got nothin' on this girl.

Whole30? Whole-huh?

I swear I'm going to get back on track soon, but today was not the day.  Actually, this week will probably not be the week either.  I need this week to process and while I am all for the idea that clean eating = clean mind, um ya, this is one of those moments where having a foggy mind might not be that bad.

It's amazing to me (and my sweet friend Alison who pointed it out) that the world sometimes adjusts to give you exactly what you need.  The steady rain outside my window was exactly that - an agreement with the Universe that staying in bed all day was totally OK.

Nothing screams good friend like a night of Bachelor Pad, wine, and Velveeta shells and cheese.  I can't think of a better reason to get out of bed and brush my teeth than that kind of invitation -- it was exactly what I needed tonight.  A shower was definitely in order and just the act of getting dressed and getting moving made me feel better.

No, there was nothing "clean" about tonight's get together, God knows the Bachelor Pad doesn't come even close to sanitary, but tonight was another reminder to me that my life is already whole.  It may not be Whole30 in that sense, but it's whole and complete and perfect for just being mine.

On Wholed

When life gives you lemons, eat Oreos.  Upside down and turned inside out with sadness, I needed to put my Whole30 on hold.... for now.  Some things are just meant for wine, ice cream, and really amazing good friends.  Tonight, when I write with tears, I trust that the universe has good things in store for me and one day I'll look back on this and know it was meant to be.

When I signed up for the Challenge of changing my life for 30 days, I had no idea the ways in which my life would be altered....  So, for tonight, wine in hand and regret for last night's Oreo's, I'm putting the Whole30 on hold.

I mentioned the other day that I'm looking for the positives and today I'm considering more than just the positives of clean eating.  Nothing is better than feeling so loved by the people who love you - nothing is more positive than that.  I am that loved and I am so grateful.

C is for Cookie

Or cashew, or cherrie, or candy, or chardonnay, or C'mon!!  Talk about a snack attack...

Last night realllllllly got the best of me.  I'm telling you, I'm one of those crazy snackers that would eat baking chocolate dunked in brown sugar if it was in my cupboards.  Thank God, I can't bake, so I have none of that crap in my cabinets or I'd have dumped it down my gullet before you could say, Whole30. 

So, I snacked cleanly even though I'm not supposed to snack at all on this Challenge.  Cashews and cherries are hardly *bad*, right?!?  I guess it's the fact that I ate waaaaay too many to feel OK about it.  Is it weird that I had a cherry stem tongue tying contest with myself?  Probably no more weird than sitting at home on a Friday night by myself counting how many cherries I've devoured before feeling completely guilty.

Don't Stop!

Aaaaannnd, the weekend is here.  Summer in Chi-town.  Yessssss!  Or, um... No.  Damn this Whole30 interrupting my fabulously warm and sunny summer.  Really?  What on earth was I thinking trying to clean eat the month of August!?!  February is sounding like a MUCH better plan.

Started the day with my lovely girl Erika and a super strong cup of joe.  I'm not a huge coffee junky, so unlike other Whole30'ers I haven't experienced the tears and tantrums of missing my morning latte.  I felt like a coffee this morning though and having it black was within my guidelines, so I thought what the hey.  There's something strangely adult about ordering a cafe americano, no room.  Nope, Mr. Starbucks guy, I like it completely bitter.  No milk or sugar here.  Me?  Splenda?  Eeeew.  Do you know what sort of chemicals are in that stuff?!?

One venti americano later and I was one club short of dancing on tables.  I could've swam from here to Indiana I had that much energy -- too much energy really.   Ok, so I'm starting to realize I'm a masochist at heart.  Why, why, WHY would I chose to go to Costco this morning?!  Amped up on my caffeine high, Erika and I hit the bulk belly, high fructose corn syrup mecca, that is Costco.  I had the sweats as I passed the jumbo bins of peanut butter filled pretzels and the 48 count box of Cadbury Fruit and Nut bars....UGH!  This place truly is hell.

I made it out alive and with only $61 worth of damage -that in itself is cause for celebration.  I snacked on some nuts and actually felt, OK.  Leaving with a sense of pride for my higher than Everest willpower made me proud and feeling able to tackle the weekend.

Driving along Lake Shore this evening, on this perfect Chicago night, I had my roof open and my windows down, looking across the lake and soaking in the happiness of my day.  The song on the radio was "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac - how totally and completely appropriate.  Music blaring, hands waving, singing at the top of my lungs.... AH, Ooooooooo, Don't cha look back!!!

If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any harm to you.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Don't you look back,
Don't you look back.

Sugar, Get in Ma Belly!

I'm hitting the wall.  The sugary wall of temptation.  Damn you high fructose corn syrup!  

Today has been the toughest of my Whole30 challenge. It's Day 4 and I'm starting to have some serious sugar cravings - why now?!? I am so used to being bored or stressed and reaching for the first piece of sugar that comes across my path - wait, who am I kidding, the first bag of sugar is more like it.

I had the day off today, so as soon as I had a little lull in my day, I instantly started craving something, actually anything sweet. I've cleaned out all sugar from my house, but I'm fairly certain if I looked hard enough I could find a stray Jolly Rancher or Dove chocolate laying around somewhere. AGH!! Must stay on track.... must stay on track....

I had wacky dreams last night (again) but my mother didn't join me from the clinker, so that was a bonus.  I'm not feeling hungry, yet I'm super struggling with my need to snack.  I just can't believe that in 30 days I'm going to be magically cured of the sugar beast that has haunted me for the past 30 something years.  My cravings for sugar, my constant over indulging and my complete inability to just have one of anything, supposedly all going to vanish from my psyche.  Poof.  The jury is still out....

Day 3's a Charm!

Day 3 of the Whole30 and I'm actually feeling pretty....OK. I'm definitely feeling a little less energetic and I'm pretty sluggish throughout the day. Today I could barely walk up the 4 flights of stairs to my house - but then again, I never run up those things Rocky style anyway.

I'm sleeping pretty normally - not any better, not any worse.  One thing that's changed is that I'm having crazy wild dreams that wake me up in the night.  Maybe I've always had crazy wild dreams and I'm just usually in a sugar coma, so I don't remember them.  At any rate, consoling my mother who's just been arrested at a party for smoking pot is NOT something I'm enjoying.  I mean, really?  Why on earth would I dream something like that!??

Besides the wacky dreams, I really thought I'd be waking up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the world...um, not so much. Why is that? I almost feel like I'm waking up with a hangover. I'm groggy and stumbling around my room till I can make sense of what day it is.  I'd think I actually was hungover, but I haven't tripped over last night's heels and I don't resemble a panda from last night's mascara.

So, even though my sleep is weird and I'm completely missing the beer drinking, hot dog munching, wine sipping of Chicago summer I'm trying to look for the positives as much as I can, hoping that it'll encourage me to stay on track. Today I swear I looked a little less bloated (HOORAY!) and I'm not kidding you, I ate the best egg I've ever tasted. One aspect about the Whole30 that I love is how it's encouraged me to buy only the best, most natural, organic, pasture raised meats, poultry, etc. YUM! I can't believe I ate regular ole' eggs before now - WOW! Who knew an egg that actually roams around in the grass eating bugs could taste so good  

Horrid? Who me?

Somethin's gotta give.  I mean, seriously.  I'm as big as I've ever been, I feel like crap, I'm squishy in places that shouldn't have squish, and I'm just plain ole over it.

Today I start the Whole30 Challenge.  Bring. It. On.

As a self-confessed high fructose corn syrup junky, a carboholic, and a wine-o at heart, this is going to be a challenge alright.  I've tried almost everything to get fit, from hcg to Atkins, to Perricone, the Zone, back to Atkins (this time it'll be different!) vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, and finally just said, "sca-rew-it!" and started eating pretty much whatever I could get my hands on.

Becoming friends with Moderation wasn't even in the cards.  I've always hated that skinny b*itch anyway.  I mean, give me a break, who can eat just ONE Oreo?!  Um, duh.  Nope, Moderation and I have never seen eye to eye, so I've decided to jump straight in, cold turkey, both feet, head first, into the Whole30.

Over the next 30 days, I am going to treat my body like the temple that it is.  Aahhh....yes, my body is my temple.  Repeat after me.... Body = temple, Body = temple.  Hey, I gotta say it if I'm going to actually believe it and make it happen!  

My diet will consist of mainly vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and proteins.  Not a single Cheez It, Red Vine, Ben or Jerry shall cross these lips, as I will be nourishing my body with foods only a cavewoman would enjoy -- now doesn't that sound zen-like. Grass fed meats, wild caught sustainable fish, pasture raised eggs and poultry, loads of veggies and fruits, and lots and lots of water.  Clean eatin' here I come!

I weighed in this morning....gulp.  Gross.  Perhaps the ice cream I ate for dinner wasn't my best option, but c'mon, it was the Last Supper after all.  Not only did I wake up feeling groggy and sluggish, I swear I had a new cavity from the damage I did to that bag of Skittles I ate for dessert.  Wow.  I really showed that sugar who was boss last night....aaaaannnd, I'm paying for it today.

Given how gross I feel this morning, I can't wait to start living cavewoman style.  Fortunately, this cavewoman won't be beating a wild boar over the head tonight for dinner.... although, there may be head beating in my future, I'm fairly certain it will only be mine, against a wall, as I battle my way through the next 30 days of sugar cravings.

Deep breath...... and...... GO!