Allowing

Wow, what a difference a year-ish can make.  Reading my previous posts I wish I could slap myself around a little bit.  Knowing what I know now, and really, knowing even then, that it was all going to be OK, so much more than OK, I wish I could've just had a little faith.  (WHEW!!)  Thank God for unanswered prayers. There was something more, better, happier, healthier, and just plain perfect for me right around the corner.

I'd be lying if I said that the past 18 months have been easy.  It's been far, reeeeeeeeally far from it.  I worked in a job that shook my values, tested my limits, and had me question repeatedly if being a social worker was really my calling.  I hid in the bathroom and cried, asking The Universe for another job, something, anything that was better than this.  I sent out literally hundreds, what felt like thousands, of resumes into the internet abyss only to have people tell me I wasn't experienced enough, I needed my LCSW, I needed this certificate or that qualification, and my all time favorite, I'm just "too talented" for this role.  Seriously.  I'm not stretching this one little bit, I put my hands together and begged that woman to think of me as "less talented."  Listen lady, I need this job, I can be less enthusiastic, I can be less clued-in, I really can, see, look how un-talented I am right now.  Please, oh please pick me!

I'll save you the details, but one morning I felt inspired to attend spiritual services at Bodhi.  I sure do love that place.  Every time I go I leave feeling like I can take on the world and that morning I heard exactly what I needed to hear.  I gave up feeling deflated and defeated in my job search and began reminding myself, after receiving yet another rejection letter, that this was all part of a perfect plan.  Nope, it sure didn't feel perfect, but the sooner I stopped pushing against my life and started allowing it all to happen, the better off I was going to be.... I mean, that's just Law of Attraction 101 kinda stuff.  I got back into affirming what I wanted, and even wrote it on my bathroom mirror - all my really serious life stuff gets written on my bathroom mirror.  Right next to, "Allowing, Allowing, Allowing"  I wrote, "I am a full-time social worker fulfilled in all ways!"  And that I am.

Thank you Universe for the past 18 months, every twist, turn, tear, and talented minute of it.  I fell in love with the man of my dreams and I landed on my feet with my dream job.  My family is healthy, my beloved Grandfather will be 90 years old next month!  I've learned how to knit and even made a few pretty pieces.  I tested a vegan diet, the Master Cleanse, and tried a modified Paleo thing.  I've started learning German, ich liebe dich is one of my favorite things to say.  I got right into Breaking Bad, The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette and couldn't wait for the weekly viewing parties with good friends.  I sold a car, bought a car, sold a car, and bought another.  I taught lots and lots of Bar Method and I taught myself how to use a curling wand.  For real, beyond the burn marks on my arms, that last one was really major.

As I'm staring down the barrel of 2014 and I pinch myself with just how much can change in an instant, I have to get honest.... like real honest.  I'm still not flossing as much as I should be, I hardly ever wash my face properly before I go to bed, and I am still a total and complete sugar and carb junky.  January 2 I'm going to do the Whole30, again.  On January 5, when I'm ready to allow a bottle of shiraz and a bucket of Red Vines down my throat, will someone just remind me of this little post?