Connection

It's that time of year again.  The time of year that has me thinking about my New Year's Affirmation. A long time ago someone introduced me to this idea of giving up resolutions and creating an affirmation for what I want to focus on in the next 12 months.

Before the bubbly of ringing in a new year, I give myself a few weeks prior to January 1st to contemplate over what I want to bring into my life.  I meditate, I listen, and I let lots of ideas come into my mind.  Sometimes it's easy - the year I packed into boxes nearly a decade of my life in Australia and returned to the US feeling like a foreigner in my own country, my affirmation was Transformation.  But sometimes it just comes from sitting in the stillness of my thoughts.  Over the years I've had affirmations like:  Love, Abundance, Courage, and Faith, each one a message that, once chosen, seems to pop up everywhere in my daily life.

Christmas Eve I attended a Taize* service at Bodhi.  With my family out of state and my Love overseas, this was the first Christmas Eve that I could remember being alone.  It seemed only natural that before joining my crew for Friendsmas, I would go to Bodhi.   

We sang, we listened to music and message, we meditated, and we awakened our awareness together.  We were guided to write a message to ourselves on a piece of paper, and, without hesitation, there it was, my affirmation!  Like it was written in Vegas lights, "Connection" poured onto my paper.  

But,  this Taize had a twist.... we were to place our message on a table and pick up another message written by someone else.  This was, after all, an exercise in Oneness, so my message is your message, is your message, is my message.  And this is what it said:

"Be light in each moment, not only for others but most importantly be light for yourself.  Look to the stars, reach for them, and dance among them every moment." 

As I thought about my message to myself and the message I received, Connection resonated perfectly.  I spent precious time with family this year that had me questioning why I don't reach out to them and spend time with them more often:  Connection.  I'm changing my perception on food, my body, and my health through a Whole30 Challenge:  Connection.  I'll celebrate milestone birthday's and memorable weddings with loved ones this year:  Connection.  I'm finding my way back towards my spiritual community:  Connection.  I'm learning who I am in my career, in my relationships, and with my self:  Connection.

Yes, your message really was my message, because without Connection to myself and others how can I be light?  How can I reach for the stars?  How can I dance?  Yes, Connection will hold pride of place on my bathroom mirror and I will carry Connection with me into 2014 as an affirmation for my best year yet!

What thoughts do you have about your own New Year's Affirmation?

*A Taize is a participatory prayer service designed to achieve a contemplative state through music, song, and silence.

Allowing

Wow, what a difference a year-ish can make.  Reading my previous posts I wish I could slap myself around a little bit.  Knowing what I know now, and really, knowing even then, that it was all going to be OK, so much more than OK, I wish I could've just had a little faith.  (WHEW!!)  Thank God for unanswered prayers. There was something more, better, happier, healthier, and just plain perfect for me right around the corner.

I'd be lying if I said that the past 18 months have been easy.  It's been far, reeeeeeeeally far from it.  I worked in a job that shook my values, tested my limits, and had me question repeatedly if being a social worker was really my calling.  I hid in the bathroom and cried, asking The Universe for another job, something, anything that was better than this.  I sent out literally hundreds, what felt like thousands, of resumes into the internet abyss only to have people tell me I wasn't experienced enough, I needed my LCSW, I needed this certificate or that qualification, and my all time favorite, I'm just "too talented" for this role.  Seriously.  I'm not stretching this one little bit, I put my hands together and begged that woman to think of me as "less talented."  Listen lady, I need this job, I can be less enthusiastic, I can be less clued-in, I really can, see, look how un-talented I am right now.  Please, oh please pick me!

I'll save you the details, but one morning I felt inspired to attend spiritual services at Bodhi.  I sure do love that place.  Every time I go I leave feeling like I can take on the world and that morning I heard exactly what I needed to hear.  I gave up feeling deflated and defeated in my job search and began reminding myself, after receiving yet another rejection letter, that this was all part of a perfect plan.  Nope, it sure didn't feel perfect, but the sooner I stopped pushing against my life and started allowing it all to happen, the better off I was going to be.... I mean, that's just Law of Attraction 101 kinda stuff.  I got back into affirming what I wanted, and even wrote it on my bathroom mirror - all my really serious life stuff gets written on my bathroom mirror.  Right next to, "Allowing, Allowing, Allowing"  I wrote, "I am a full-time social worker fulfilled in all ways!"  And that I am.

Thank you Universe for the past 18 months, every twist, turn, tear, and talented minute of it.  I fell in love with the man of my dreams and I landed on my feet with my dream job.  My family is healthy, my beloved Grandfather will be 90 years old next month!  I've learned how to knit and even made a few pretty pieces.  I tested a vegan diet, the Master Cleanse, and tried a modified Paleo thing.  I've started learning German, ich liebe dich is one of my favorite things to say.  I got right into Breaking Bad, The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette and couldn't wait for the weekly viewing parties with good friends.  I sold a car, bought a car, sold a car, and bought another.  I taught lots and lots of Bar Method and I taught myself how to use a curling wand.  For real, beyond the burn marks on my arms, that last one was really major.

As I'm staring down the barrel of 2014 and I pinch myself with just how much can change in an instant, I have to get honest.... like real honest.  I'm still not flossing as much as I should be, I hardly ever wash my face properly before I go to bed, and I am still a total and complete sugar and carb junky.  January 2 I'm going to do the Whole30, again.  On January 5, when I'm ready to allow a bottle of shiraz and a bucket of Red Vines down my throat, will someone just remind me of this little post?